And A Firm Handshake, To Boot

My name's Wendy, and I'm a man hand-aholic.

No, that's wrong. That would imply I like man hands. Wait, I do - but on men. Man hands on men = good. Man hands on ladies (i.e. ME) = not good.

Yes, I have man hands. There's no way to deny it. My fingertips are stubby and my nails, square. Non-existent are the slender digits of, oh I don't know, Vanna White? She could be considered a hand model, yes? Nowhere to be seen are the thin, oval nails of beautiful women everywhere. Mine look like molars.

To wit:


Notice how the sassy "strawberry electric" polish does nothing to mask my stumpage. It's ok though - they can think they're pretty. I won't tell them the truth.

But to you, dear reader, I speak only the truth: I have man hands. And I will crush you.