BREAKING

I just found out there are 20 varieties of mango in St. Lucia. It is my mission to eat all of them. However, I shall not put any concentrated effort into accomplishing this.

ISLAND TIME

If it takes 10 minutes to do something in Toronto, it takes an hour to do it here.

Don't show up an hour before your flight - show up three hours before because honey, you're on island time and so are the attendants.

Service With a Gum Smack

The differences in service at airport gates between Toronto and San Juan are hilarious.

Toronto: Neat uniforms, very proper appearance. Example of dialogue -- "Thank you for flying United Express. We will now start boarding passengers from rows 20 to 30. Thank you for your cooperation." (said in calm voice on loudspeaker)

San Juan: Jeans, orange traffic controller vest, extremely long nail tips. Dialogue -- (leans on podium, yells) -- "AH-KAY. Listen up. 'We're gonna start boarding the plane, so line up here." (patois, chewing gum)

I can't even write it to do justice. Just doesn't work.

May 1 - Four Hours Later

In Dominica, cab drivers were fighting over who would get our business. I think we chose the best one, cause he was certified.

I didn't realize we were landing at the airport on the opposite end of the island from where we were staying. The roads are narrow and sporadically curvy. The scenery is spectacular and it's not long before I felt like I could ralph. Here's a selection of road that we travelled along:

I'm not even exaggerating! Every blind turn warrants a warning beep and every passed car requires a veer off to the side of the road. Along the way, we picked up the driver's wife and stopped to chat at least three times with cars coming in the opposite direction or people walking on the road.

It took over an hour to reach our destination for the night. The place was beautiful and right smack in the middle of the rainforest (but only minutes from Dominica's capital Roseau). We didn't even have time to enjoy it cause within 30 minutes (and a pitcher of fresh passionfruit juice), we were out. It was 8pm.

May 1 - 1.5 Hours Later

The episode where Sideshow Bob tries to kill Bart and the Simpsons move to Terror Lake was playing on the plane. I put on my headphones just in time to hear the part where the family sees the Witness Protection people and the man says, "when I say, 'hello Mr. Thompson' and press down on your foot, you smile and nod." And he does that and Homer pauses for three beats and whispers, "I think he's talking to you." But then we started to land and they turned the TVs off. IMMEDIATELY at THAT moment. Not impressed.

May 1 - plane to San Juan pt 2

"Freedom Writers" is currently the movie of choice on my airplane (not MY choice). I'm not watching it, but occasionally I peek up to watch the stereotypes of an "earnest-young-teavher-stuck-with-the-bad-class" story line fall into place.

Things that must be included in every Coming Of Age teacher movie:

- frumpy and assumedly appropriate grown-up clothes later shift to hip, student approved threads
- stern sit down meeting with principal slash senior advisor to warn against improvisational teaching methods
- commotion caused in class by an unattractive doodle/characature or malevolent note directed at teacher, later causing an embarrassing look of shock when she demands to see said note
- inspiring field trip
- at least one student in the class gets shot, pregnant or otherwise seriously hurt
- uplifting scene with positive rap or R&B song

may 1 - flight to San Juan

I find things in different countries very easily amusing, even in - no, especially in - the states. Like, there are subtle (and not so subtle) differences in the way people dress. More cowboy boots.

My favourite amusements are always snack items and beverages. Convenience stores are my foreign heaven.

On the plane from Washington to San Juan, I just bought a Snack Box, which consisted of the following items:


- Newman's Own Raisins (Paul Newman sells raisins?)
- Bumblebee Tuna mini can (like Ace Ventura says!)
- Late July organic crackers (I was not amused by these, but they were tasty)
- A mini jar of hummus (pedestrian)
- Stacy's Baked Pita Chips (the top of the bag read "0mg Cholesterol" so it looked like "OMG Cholesterol")
- Gouda cheese (gave to Alec)
- mini Toblerone (kept for later)